THE AUTOMATED PHONE SYSTEM UPRISING
Your Call Is Important To Us.
That's Why Nobody Will Answer It.
Remember when you called a business and a human answered?
A real person.
Named Karen.
Or Steve.
Or Brenda.
Now?
You call and immediately enter an escape room.
Modern Customer Service
Robot:
Press 1 for English.
You press 1.
Robot:
I'm sorry. I didn't understand.
Robot:
Tell us briefly why you're calling.
Customer:
Billing issue.
Robot:
Did you say "goat milking tissue?"
Customer:
Representative.
Robot:
I can help with that.
It cannot.
Twenty-seven minutes later:
Your call is important to us.
No it isn't.
If it was, we'd be talking to Dave from Winnipeg right now.
The Canadian Hold Experience
Minute 5:
Optimistic.
Minute 15:
Annoyed.
Minute 30:
Considering fraud.
Minute 45:
Beginning a new religion.
Minute 60:
Accepted fate.
Meanwhile the hold music sounds like it was recorded in a microwave in 1997.
Supporting Story #2
The Password Reset Loop
Website:
Password incorrect.
You reset it.
Website:
New password cannot be same as old password.
You create new password.
Website:
New password too similar to old password.
You create another.
Website:
Password accepted.
Two minutes later:
Password incorrect.
Supporting Story #3
The Package Delivery Mystery
Canada Post:
We missed you.
Buddy...
I was standing at the window.
You never got out of the truck.
Some delivery drivers now move so fast they're basically cryptids.
The "Sorry We Missed You" notice arrives before the driver does.
Final Thoughts
Canada invented:
- insulin,
- the snowmobile,
- and the telephone.
The telephone.
And now we use it almost exclusively to listen to hold music.